Day to Day With Mom

I’m having a really bad day today, you know the ones where you should have stayed in bed the whole day in hopes that tomorrow will be better.I can’t even say that it started off on a good note because the truth is it was a bad day from the moment it started!

I work from home doing many different jobs but my full time job is processing orders over the phone. It’s a good job but with kids I can only work when they are asleep or their father is watching them. My hours here lately have been midnight to 6am and sometimes different hours in between. I then wake my fiance up for his day to begin and depending on whether or not my youngest two are asleep I go to bed around 7am only to wake back up no later then 10:30 this week! I mean my girls use to sleep until 12:00 but as soon as I start this schedule they decide they don’t need that much sleep! Great… just great! So now not only am I tired but I have a headache from lack of sleep, the girls are grumpy about everything or maybe they just feel my stress. We have a leak under the house the size of a huge waterfall so the water has to be turned on and off to use it, which is really a lot of fun to do.

We were supposed to have the pest control people come out tomorrow to spray because somehow we’ve been taken over by fleas BUT it doesn’t seem to be working out the way I had hoped it would. Now to top everything off I just poured a cup of koolaid down the front of my shirt! I’m not really sure how or why it happened but at this point it doesn’t really surprise me.

I’m not really much of a drinker but today I think I’ll get drunk, alright I’ll just settle for a bunch of chocolate instead. I just want the day to be over, however with work scheduled tonight I’m not quite sure when that will be.

I have wondered about that question for a while now. I remember when I was a teenager everyone would say “enjoy being young because as you get older life just passes you by one day at a time.” I never really thought or cared about what they were telling me because hey I was in high school and life couldn’t have been better. I was popular, went out every weekend, money wasn’t an issue because hey I could just get it from my parents! I sit here now at the age of 28 (trust me I actually just deleted 27 and changed it to 28 because I failed to remember that another year had passed) and wonder what in the world happened to my life? I have three kids, I’ve been with their father since I was 14 (we still aren’t married), money doesn’t seem to ever come fast enough or in big enough quantities and “going out” means taking the dog for a walk!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, my pets, yes even my fiance but  the closer I get to 30 the more I panic about how much of my life I have wasted. Maybe it’s the whole hitting 30 thing that scares me, it just seems like that will be the door opening to a long road of nothing but getting older and all the time I had to do fun things, meaningful things in my life will be gone.

As a mom, like most moms, I tend to forget myself and focus on my kids. Are they learning enough, eating enough, bathing enough… Did my youngest just eat chalk or was it actually something that will kill her this time? I’ve lost myself in a world full of constant fussing, crying, dirty faces, dirty bottoms, sleepless nights, but most of all I have lost myself in a world full of kisses, hugs, paper flowers, moments of pure amazement as I watch each of my children grow into not only little people but they are my little people. I have a stressful life it’s sometimes more then I feel I can handle but I guess God knows better than me and I wouldn’t change it for a minute.

This is me, a young mom feeling really old, working hard from home to help provide for my family and being covered in spaghetti every minute of everyday. If you’re in the neighborhood stop by for a visit just be sure to duck when you see a spoon flying your way and please excuse the dust bunnies, they are now known as our friends.